Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Meet the Corporates: The story of every common man WITH a MNC

Before you jump to any conclusions of a grammatical error, I’d like to expand the acronym ‘Multi National Cannibals’! Well I’m pretty sure every normal human being who hates wasting time, hates being told what to do and likes using his brain would surely agree with me on that acronym! (If you’ve got better suggestions... your welcome to express all your frustration in three words! Lolz..)
I’ve heard a lot of people fuss over corporate life. In fact for a while now I’ve heard all my friends talk about how monotonous and boring your life becomes once you enter this phase of your life. But no one actually told me how and why it is such a spoil sport... Guess it was left for me to find discover! Like they say, experience is thy best teacher! :)

Corporate LifeBased on a lot of inputs and strangers reviews over corporate life, I’ve kinda figured out a few theories that work here:

  • Theory 1: The Diligent v/s Intelligent Dilemma
    Well if you’ve to be successful in a huge corporate then you have to be intelligent. Before you jump to any conclusions, what i meant is you have to be intelligent enough to realise that here people only look at diligent workers and if you give break-through ideas you would be considered inexperienced.
    Funny isn’t it? If you are Intelligent then you wouldn’t use your intelligence!
  • Theory 2: The Dual-faced Architecture
    Every person who enters a corporate and wants to sustain in it, has to learn the art of Hypocrisy. This is an art that is learnt and honed with practise. Some MNC’s call this KT (Knowledge Transfer)
  • Theory 3: Meeting Impossible
    Meeting Impossible has two meanings. This is by far the most used theory in MNC’s today. Firstly, it refers to the fact that every organization loves taking care of their employees. They are always ready to give you a excellent salary hikes or bonus for meeting their so called TARGETS (the possibility of meeting which is equal to that of a crow turning white)
    Secondly, it refers to the amazingly long meetings which specialize in changing the way decisions are made. In other words, a decision which normally would be taken in 2 minutes would be taken in 2hours. The Rationale for which is that the decision maker already has made up his mind, and for 2 hours he tries to flaunt his authority and tries his very best to demean you!
  • Theory 4: The Boss-Superboss Chemistry
    This in other words is the ever efficient supply chain of your organization. It is the only SCM technique where the final output is always exponentially more than the input. To explain this technique I would like to illustrate with an example.
    e.g. X is the head of a vertical in a MNC. Y reports to X and is a Proj. Leader (PL). The rest of us are the TM’s (Team Members). On a sunny Wednesday morning, X is about to leave for work and just then his wife asks him to put the washing machine on his way to work as she has a kitty party to attend. This results in a clash of egos and X is totally irritated and drives to work (as usual the traffic is bad and he misses all the traffic signal’s as his day is already bad).
    He reaches work and looks for reasons to vent out his anger. So he calls Y and yells at Y for a missing comma in a report. Y in turn comes to his/her TM’s, yells at them in double the intensity ‘quoting the missing comma’ and puts a full-stop on their appraisals.

What say people?? The Moral of this article is open to interpretation!

Disclaimer: All the characters in this article are purely unintentional. J This is written without keeping any real/living person in mind. :)


MJ said...

too good man ...too good ..cant say any more :)

Radhika said...

The money and the perks make up for all of what you mentioned. So enjoy the satire which is ironically part of everyone's life!

Rajiv S Perumal said...

@MJ: lolz.. :) well, it feels good to be writing again!!! thnx mate!!!

@Radhika: I'd call the perks and the money addictive.. like smoking.. the more you get used to, the more you want it and can't live without it... In the end, you realise smoking (in this case the perks) has been a slow killer.. and then its a lil' too late....!! :)

Nav said...

Nice one dude! WAs actually looking fwd to more theories...sadly only 3?

Hoping your boss doesnt look at it:)

btb @Radhika: money and perks? before one realises... life would have passed by, leaving one with everything except a Life :)

Harish Gupta said...

too good ..... boss - superboss is too real .... seems this link shud be floated to six sigma mail grp ... what say ... ???

Lolz ...

Dhiru said...

I agree to everything, except the disclaimer ;)

Rajiv S Perumal said...

@Nav: well, this is a subject in which i keep laerning. So u will surely see more laws coming through! :)
@Harish: shud i say 'with friends like you, who needs an enemy'! :P
@Dhiru: lolz... ;)